Milestones

Back when I had my stroke, I couldn't move. I lay flat on my back and slept a lot, watched TV some, let visitors talk to me (I couldn't talk to them, yet) and then I'd sleep some more. I didn't care much, because I was on drugs that made me not care about much of anything. 

It was when I was in Brewer five weeks later that they finally got me up and walking. Man, I can still remember how terrifying those first few steps were. Hands on the parallel bars, dragging one foot behind the other. Besides getting me walking and talking right, they gave me a wheelchair.

I. Hated. It.

It was the embodiment of my newly-disabled state. I could barely stand to look at it. Never mind that being in it allowed me to go places I couldn't go before, I simply could not stand it. I set about plotting how I could get out of it entirely.

Once I got home, I started in earnest, strengthening my leg, doing bending by making myself fill and empty the dishwasher, getting things out of and putting things into the refrigerator, putting pots and pans away in the bottom cupboards. And walking, and trying to walk without my cane, always a little further.  Walking backwards, changing direction, doing the many little moves that used to be so easy. All along the way, I started saying how much I would like not to have that damn wheelchair.

Then one day FedEx delivered two beautiful, Missionary style chairs, exactly like the kind I needed.

This is now my chair. I told my husband I never ever wanted to see the wheelchair that I spent two miserable years in, one year a slave to, again. Soon it will be out of the house forever. One day I was walking to my chair, a cup of coffee in my hand, and my husband was staring at me in a weird way. I asked him what was wrong; I thought I had not noticed something and he was saying nothing to me deliberately -- he does that sometimes -- but he just said, "I haven't seen you walk without your cane, carrying a cup of coffee, going across the floor like that ..." 

I am still disabled, yes. But I am still fighting it. I will always fight it.

Comments

[Conny]

Beth, thanks for sharing some of your story. You are truly amazing and an inspiration to others. Best to you ALWAYS. Conny NE

[Beth Collins]

Thanks, Conny!

[Jean]

Beth, you ROCK!!

[Peggy]

Hey Girl I can't wait to get back to Maine and see you walk to that new chair. By the way it was 77 here today and we walked to the mailbox (it's a 1/2 mile from the house)wearing shorts. Keep up the "fight." Sending cyber hugs to you. And I am missing NETA again...............Boo Hoo.

[Brandi]

Beth I am amazed at what you've been able to accomplish. My heart goes out to you and your family. Keep fighting.